Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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