Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
