btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
