i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
