I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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