Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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