ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
