Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
