Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
