i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
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