I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Randomize
