No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
