im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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