but the lizard people decide everything anyway
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
There r osticjed everywhere
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
