I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
