we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I need water and some morals
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
