New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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