I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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