i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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