Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Watching her eat just hurts me
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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