Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
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