You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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