ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
