He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
