So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
