I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
