And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
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omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
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My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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