Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
