I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
