I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
