i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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