if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I am one with the molecules
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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