That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
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