Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Randomize
