if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
