ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I stole a fireplace last night.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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