I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
