i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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