we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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