Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
you inspire me to be a worse person
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
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