in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
