The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
