just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
