He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
you would pick up someone in the library
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
