Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
