The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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