i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
