Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
