that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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