Texts From Last Night

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  (310): View more from California

  The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?

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  (310): The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know? http://tfl.nu/ihts
  Replies (7) Good night (1312) Bad night (1943)
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.

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  (316): Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can. http://tfl.nu/zubg
  Replies (26) Good night (1321) Bad night (4105)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun

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  (304): hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun http://tfl.nu/jcw4
  Replies (16) Good night (4260) Bad night (692)
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Why am I in a dog kennel?

  (1-803): View more from South Carolina

  It was for your own safety

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  (803): Why am I in a dog kennel? (1-803): It was for your own safety http://tfl.nu/w7ni
  Replies (27) Good night (13383) Bad night (1710)
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy

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  (602): I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy http://tfl.nu/rk38
  Replies (16) Good night (6665) Bad night (1278)
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.

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  (561): If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls. http://tfl.nu/stc1
  Replies (8) Good night (3872) Bad night (1497)
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink

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  (586): hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink http://tfl.nu/wrew
  Replies (4) Good night (2252) Bad night (1210)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?

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  (734): Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill? http://tfl.nu/7ius
  Replies (1) Good night (2603) Bad night (1344)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying

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  (304): Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying http://tfl.nu/2vcq
  Replies (12) Good night (3227) Bad night (1054)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.

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  (310): I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't. http://tfl.nu/uo1x
  Replies (3) Good night (1199) Bad night (577)
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup

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  (715): Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup http://tfl.nu/az6p
  Replies (3) Good night (1682) Bad night (866)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.

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  (405): Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month. http://tfl.nu/0lcc
  Replies (3) Good night (747) Bad night (447)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it

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  (978): It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it http://tfl.nu/22ti
  Replies (2) Good night (358) Bad night (854)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.

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  (801): That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous. http://tfl.nu/15kk
  Replies (6) Good night (470) Bad night (278)
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.

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  (909): I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her. http://tfl.nu/48aw
  Replies (6) Good night (207) Bad night (175)

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