Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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