I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
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He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
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When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.