I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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