Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(601): View more from Mississippi

i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"

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(601): i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?" http://tfl.nu/96xf

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(580): View more from Oklahoma

I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.

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(580): I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch. http://tfl.nu/axjt

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(250): View more from British Columbia

We got so high we made milksteak

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(250): We got so high we made milksteak http://tfl.nu/iyv5

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(204): View more from Manitoba

She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous

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(204): She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous http://tfl.nu/ntwa

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(630): View more from Illinois

Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?

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(630): Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible? http://tfl.nu/m7m6

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(260): View more from Indiana

I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.

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(260): I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck. http://tfl.nu/i41h

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(708): View more from Illinois

So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.

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(708): So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive. http://tfl.nu/w5b0

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...

(413): View more from Massachusetts

how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers

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(781): he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness... (413): how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers http://tfl.nu/137y

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(830): View more from Texas

i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...

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(830): i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone... http://tfl.nu/i2ws

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(302): View more from Delaware

Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."

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(302): Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back." http://tfl.nu/49s7

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(906): View more from Michigan

I think a kid would responsible me up

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(906): I think a kid would responsible me up http://tfl.nu/vbco

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(540): View more from Virginia

He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...

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(540): He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward... http://tfl.nu/zj5d

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(660): View more from Missouri

I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.

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(660): I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst. http://tfl.nu/whde

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(915): View more from Texas

People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.

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(915): People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling. http://tfl.nu/el49

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.

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(617): My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me. http://tfl.nu/up6q

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