I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Randomize
