Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD