he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
