Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
