I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
