Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
