How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
