I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
