my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
