New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Randomize
