3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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