I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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