It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
