I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
