your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
