it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
