Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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