There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
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tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
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