i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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