I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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