I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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