so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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