listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
