I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
