Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
