I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
