PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Please don't give away my fajitas
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