I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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