I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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