Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
