I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
